Dr. Jerm - Helping YOU Achieve Excellence In Life.
Hi, I'm Jeremy N. Johnson, your coach in excellence since 2008. Interested in a life of excellence? Read, watch, and lets connect! Contact Me.
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Help! Someone Criticizes Me In Front Of Others!First off, take some deep breaths. Relax. You're not the only one who has been criticized in front of others. There are a few things that must be looked at when talking about getting criticized in front of others.
My Coach Criticizes me in Front of my Team-MatesWhen I was in high school I played basketball all four years, three of them on the varsity team. One thing that I quickly realized is that our coach was the kind of person who was very critical of you. He would tell me how slow I was, that I was slower than a seven year itch, that I needed to get moving, and so on. All this was criticizing in front of others. At the time, being in high school, this was very frustrating. I wanted to quit the team. But I perservered. I chose to not let criticism get to me. In the end, this paid off and I finished high school not quitting.
You can do the same. Perhaps you play soccer and your coach is overly critical. Or you may be playing baseball and your coach keeps yelling at you when you make an error. Realize that some people don't know how to get their point across except by being critical and shouting out your supposed faults. I personally don't think that being critical and yelling at another person is an effective way to produce positive results. I do believe that criticizing someone in the spirit of truly trying to help them is far more effective. Look at your coach and see how they criticize others. Are they gentle and understanding? Or are they criticizing left and right in a fit of rage?
My Parents Criticize me in Front of OthersI am a parent now with a little toddler. Had I not the knowledge I do now about how to treat other people and bring the best out in them, I would probably find myself being critical of our daughter, both now and in the future. Sometimes parents just get frustrated with children. This may be the case for you. You may be a child, in high school, and your dad/mom just can't stop criticizing you in front of other people. Whether it is your friends or other family members, your parents may say that you are dumb, irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, worthless, or any number of things.
Realize that anything said to you is not taken personal. YOU are your own individual. Accept your parents for who they are, but do not give in to snapping back and making them angry by pushing buttons to get them mad. Accept that their criticism is the only way they know to communicate with you what they don't like. Then take the steps to do what is going to make you happy by pursuing your passion and seeking to discover destiny in the world.
My Spouse Criticizes me in Front of our FriendsSpouses, be very careful about criticizing your better half in front of other people. First and foremost, when you are critical in front of others, it leaves a stain in the other spouse that can take quite a bit of time to remove. Instead, speak with your spouse in private before hand. Tell them that you would like to have both of you be open to sharing suggestions for improvement or tips for the other to make better decisions. But agree that this advice will always be given in confidence. Never shall you criticize your spouse in front of others. You will always in a spirit of love suggest things in full confidentiality.
Some common situations where criticizing your spouse may be encountered are eating at dinner, watching a movie, playing a sport, playing board games with friends, driving, or attending any other social activity. Your spouse is a unique person. You both are not perfect. Being critical of your spouse is not going to help bring you two together. Instead, recognize what you don't like and in a calm and loving manner, approach your spouse and gently tell them about what you didn't like and why. Be very specific and let them know it is important to you.
I am Criticizing People too MuchYes, you can spot this one a mile away. The person that is constantly yelling and bickering about something. This person didn't do that or this person said that or this person is this and that. It's enough to make you want to pull your hair out (if you have hair). But this kind of criticizing is all too frequent. It's in marriages, school, church, and work. Some people just need to constantly tell people how wrong or messed up they are. This kind of random criticizing is mindless. There is no method to it. Just spur of the moment frustration that is taken out on another individual.
If you realize that everyone on earth is on the same journey and we are all learning and growing, then you will first seek to understand before criticizing someone in front of others. As you do this, you will see that taking a spirit of love and kindness is far more effective than criticizing at will as if you are a programmed robot to fire off harsh criticism as often as you can or you will self destruct. Seriously, take time and catch yourself when you are about to criticize someone. Bite your tongue. Please do it. You will realize that you have developed a habit of criticizing people and it has become addictive. Stomp it into the ground and be free of your criticizing people in front of others.